I Felt Like A Complete Failure

I'm a bit shocked that I am sharing this publicly. It's definitely not written perfectly. But I hope that this helps you see things you're going through, or have been through, a little differently. 

On my birthday weekend of October 2019 I was at an entrepreneur conference called Pays to Be Brave. Mid-way through the social evening, I left and balled my eyes out as I sat by the ocean. My business wasn't generating the income I needed to support my life. And, most of all - I was unhappy. At the time, I thought it was because I wasn't succeeding financially, but truly it was because I wasn't living life the way I truly wanted to. I was re-living past stories. And not FULLY using my brain in the ways that light me up and keep me moving forward. 

My health coaching business wasn't bring me joy, connection, or income. I found myself not really wanting to show up. While I had mentors and coaches who were hugely helpful, something just wasn't clicking. Leaving me feeling like a complete failure as an entrepreneur.

I took in SO much at the event. There were several powerful business women, men, great leaders, and while it was mostly an event for coaches - it was at this event that I realized I really didn't want to be a coach. At all. It completely crushed me to realize this. I'd dedicated SO much time and money to learning and hustling to create a coaching business.

I'd been able to attend the conference because I was offered a flight on points, a friend let me stay at his empty house, and my event ticket was purchased as a gift.  However, leading up to this event my hours were cut at my part time job and I was counting on that money! 

On the same day I had this real honest realization that I was unhappy, I also looked at my bank account and realized that I was in trouble. The most trouble I'd probably EVER been in. I quickly sent out an email to offer a special birthday celebration discount on my program and a few women (thank you God) jumped on it that day and wired me the money. 

In that moment I knew that if I WANTED to create money in my business the way that I was doing it, I COULD. But I had to actually want the business the way that I was building it. 

Something was missing for me though. After the event I went to visit family in Ontario and once I was back home I sat with it all for a while. I coached the women who'd signed up - gave it all I had - but in those sessions realized that it was DEFINITELY not what I wanted to be doing. I poured my energy in anyways because I will always deliver what I promise. 

My coaching business wasn't failing because I wasn't a good coach or because I doubted my abilities. It wasn't because I sucked. Or because I was lazy. It failed because I didn't WANT to do it. At least not in the way that I was at the time.

I've always known that I could do absolutely anything that I put my mind to. The missing piece here was that I didn't WANT this. I simply thought that it was the only way for me to succeed and make an impact. 

About 2 weeks after the event I was head-hunted for a medical practice management position. This was the first time in 3 years that I even considered going all in on something other than entrepreneurship. 

While I knew that it was exactly the right move for me, it took me months to get over the fact that I'd "failed" as an entrepreneur. 

I don't see any of the years I put into studying entrepreneurship, investing in coaches and online courses, putting a TON of time into it all - I don't see any of this as a waste. I certainly wouldn't be where I am or who I am today without all of that. But there have been a lot of moments where I have felt that I wasted time. Failed. Took a huge step backwards. 

Fast-forward 1.5 years and not only was this opportunity a timely blessing, but it has turned out to be a dream come true. This path was meant for me. I have so much gratitude. I'm helping to sustain and build two companies with a big vision that is aligned. And, I'm able to continue to share more here through Nourished Boss on how to maintain energy and focus so that you can succeed in and out of your career. I'm able to continue to offer courses through this online platform, but without the stress or pressure that I once had! 

Not sure if this helped anyone or gave more insight into what the heck I'm up to, but I hope that you enjoyed reading this open and honest blog post :) 

 

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